Casey Jones and The Bunch of Dead, Tranny Hookers (Chapter One)

                       CASEY JONES AND THE BLACK CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON

     When you have as many of them as I do, it can be very difficult to define the phrase ‘bad day,’ but let me give it a shot. A bad day starts when you fall asleep during a stake out in West Los Angeles by the 405 and wake up in a dumpster full of dead hookers in West Hollywood at three thirty in the ante meridiem. Good definition if I do say so myself.

     My name is Casey Jones and I am the latest in a long line of Los Angeles private eyes. My current case has, up until this point, involved me tailing the wife of morning Latin disc jockey “El Cabra.” You know him. He’s that grinning jackass that gives you the thumbs up from the back of busses when you get stuck behind them East of La Cienega. Yeah. That guy. Seems he thinks his wife, who, by the way, is way to hot for his likes, has been cheating on him. And for a guy who’s name means “The Goat” in English, he’s pretty right on about this lady.

     My job has been to find proof of the infidelity. And I did that on the first day. I hate it when they make it easy. It’s not that I like working; far from it. I just don’t like it when they make it hard to pad my bill. Since I’ve been on the case, she’s been dating Jerome Jermaine, whom you’ve probably never heard of. His big claim to fame, if you can call it that, was staring in a number of ‘70s blaxploitation horror films that even the most Asian of UCLA film students haven’t heard of. Seriously, there’s not even a Wikipedia page about them. And Wikipedia has a thousand words on Monster in my Pocket.

     Last night, I trailed Mrs. Goat from their new, four-story house in K-Town (thank God for gentrification) to The Nuart. I parked in the 7/11 parking lot across the street and watched her meet up with Jerome outside the theater. To show how classy this guy is, it seems as though they are there to watch his 1974 ‘classic’ The Black Creature from the Black Lagoon. I’ve seen it. Not actually half bad. Some honkies try to build a lagoon-side country club for rich white people, and naturally they try to exclude The Black Creature from the Black Lagoon, so he starts killing their honky asses. Though, I do find it highly suspect that Black Creature from the Black Lagoon knows karate.

     I’m never going to get the image of Mrs. Goat and BCftBL playing tonsil hockey out of my brain. Partially because it’s my screen saver, partially because he’s twenty years older than her and partially because I’m kind of into that type of thing.

     From experience, I knew I had the entirety of the movie (IMDb lists it’s running time at 88 minutes) to hang out. Seems Mr. BCftBL likes to watch his movies all the way through to the end. He’s self-absorbed and predictable. I like that. Knowing this information, I ended up passed out in my graffiti covered hatchback, or “Emperor Tod-mobile” as the kids are calling it these days. If I don’t get my standard 15 hours of sleep, I’m just a wreck in the morning.

     Unfortunately for me, I when wake up, I’m not in the driver’s seat of my ‘car.’ I’m in a dumpster behind the Red Lemon on Santa Monica in West Hollywood.

@1 year ago
#casey jones #private eye #pi #comedy #short story #chapter one #tranny hookers #dead hookers #hookers #santa monica #los angeles